Queen Was 'Right' to Stay at Balmoral with Princes after Princess Diana's Death

cinrit · September 28, 2014, 12:08:40 PM

QuoteThe Queen was "absolutely right" to stay with Princes William and Harry at Balmoral in the immediate aftermath of Diana's death because it gave them the strength to walk behind their mother's coffin, a former royal press secretary has said.

Her majesty was criticised heavily at the time by the "hostile" press for not appearing in public as the nation shared its grief over the sudden death of the Princess.

Dickie Arbiter spoke to Good Morning Britain about his front row seat to the most defining decade of modern monarchy.
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Mr Arbiter spoke highly of Princes William and Harry saying have "matured extremely well".

He defended Prince Harry's youthful gaffes, describing his experimenting with soft drugs and fancy dress Nazi costume as mistakes "almost all teenage boys" make.

More: Queen was 'right' to stay at Balmoral with princes after Princess Diana's death - ITV News

Cindy

amabel · September 28, 2014, 12:23:20 PM

Hmm, I don't think so.

HistoryGirl · September 28, 2014, 01:37:04 PM

I actually think this was right. To take them away from the melee and help them deal with things. Their feelings were the main ones that mattered.

cinrit · September 28, 2014, 01:43:40 PM

^^ I agree. She was where she needed to be at the time. I do think that perhaps a short statement could have been issued, though, that the two boys needed the privacy.

Cindy

amabel · September 29, 2014, 05:29:05 AM

I don't think it had tat much to do with the boys, and there were plenty of people who could have stayed with them. such s Anne...

Limabeany · September 29, 2014, 11:40:28 AM

I don't think it had anything to do with the boys, she simply did not want to stay far from London and the more she saw tv the more she wanted to stay away.

amabel · September 29, 2014, 03:57:55 PM

She did want to stay away from London. She problably did want to keep the boys safe at Balmoral.. having said that, I don't think she ahd much scruples about shoving them out to meet the crowds....

TLLK · September 29, 2014, 04:06:06 PM

I agree with you both HG and Cindy. In my experience a family's first instinct is to protect the most vulnerable members to be impacted. Giving the boys the space they needed to get over their initial shock and their possible feelings towards the press was the right thing to do.

If the BRF had to do one thing differently it would be that they should have sent a message explaining that they planned to stay in Scotland until just prior to the funeral.

amabel · September 29, 2014, 04:10:02 PM

I think the queen could quite well have made a statement of grief at Dis death, come to London for a day or so, and left the boys with other members of the family. She didn't - because she didn't really feel much grief for Di.. and didn't like pretending. And she wasn't too bothered IMO about sending the 2 boys out to meet crowds when things were looking bad... so I'm not sure how deep her desire to protect them was...

HistoryGirl · September 29, 2014, 05:24:49 PM

Quote from: TLLK on September 29, 2014, 04:06:06 PM
I agree with you both HG and Cindy. In my experience a family's first instinct is to protect the most vulnerable members to be impacted. Giving the boys the space they needed to get over their initial shock and their possible feelings towards the press was the right thing to do.

If the BRF had to do one thing differently it would be that they should have sent a message explaining that they planned to stay in Scotland until just prior to the funeral.

Yeah that would have been a good idea. But that's us thinking in hindsight. At the time her first instinct was probably well Diana is no longer a royal princess; it is not a matter of state, but a private family matter in which her two sons are more important than a bunch of strangers being upset. I get that they loved Diana, but I can guarantee that none of those people loved her or were more affected by her death than her sons. To have their closest family near them in a calm place with privacy was the correct move in my opinion.

TLLK · September 29, 2014, 05:41:19 PM

I also believe that the BRF were giving the Spencers the opportunity to make her private funeral arrangements but it very quickly evolved into a public event that they were expected to play a major role.

amabel · September 29, 2014, 07:03:37 PM

Quote from: HistoryGirl on September 29, 2014, 05:24:49 PM
Quote from: TLLK on September 29, 2014, 04:06:06 PM
I agree with you both HG and Cindy. In my experience a family's first instinct is to protect the most vulnerable members to be impacted. Giving the boys the space they needed to get over their initial shock and their possible feelings towards the press was the right thing to do.

If the BRF had to do one thing differently it would be that they should have sent a message explaining that they planned to stay in Scotland until just prior to the funeral.

Yeah that would have been a good idea. But that's us thinking in hindsight. At the time her first instinct was probably well Diana is no longer a royal princess; it is not a matter of state, but a private family matter in which her two sons are more important than a bunch of strangers being upset. I get that they loved Diana, but I can guarantee that none of those people loved her or were more affected by her death than her sons. To have their closest family near them in a calm place with privacy was the correct move in my opinion.

but then the queen shunted them down to London and sent them out to meet the crowds, when she and the RF were getting hostility.

HistoryGirl · September 29, 2014, 07:11:10 PM

Well they couldnt stay away from London forever. It was during the initial shock where they needed to be in a safe place.

TLLK · September 29, 2014, 07:14:20 PM

IMO if Charles didn't want his sons out in public prior to the funeral than I don't believe he'd allow anyone to push them out there. I believe that by taking small steps ie: Public appearance to view flowers in Scotland and later at KP gave them an opportunity to acclimate themselves to the public's mood prior to the procession and service.

HistoryGirl · September 29, 2014, 07:33:43 PM

^Sounds about right.

amabel · September 29, 2014, 07:53:12 PM

Quote from: TLLK on September 29, 2014, 07:14:20 PM
IMO if Charles didn't want his sons out in public prior to the funeral than I don't believe he'd allow anyone to push them out there. I believe that by taking small steps ie: Public appearance to view flowers in Scotland and later at KP gave them an opportunity to acclimate themselves to the public mood prior to the procession and service.

I think the RF was in shock, but I don't think it was right ot push them out, as I think was done. I don't see the need and it was pretty cynical to let them out to deflect criticism. I'm glad they felt able to walk in the funeral procession but I think it was a big strain on them...

sandy · September 29, 2014, 11:40:38 PM

I don't get why the boys had to go to Church (as usual) the morning after Diana died. Then no mention of Diana at all in the service. Really really cold. The Queen should have gone to London. Diana was not just a "Spencer" but the mother of her grandsons William and Harry.

TLLK · September 30, 2014, 12:08:24 AM

I'm guessing that the boys wanted to go to the service. It is likely that they believed it was the appropriate thing to do.

Limabeany · September 30, 2014, 12:19:23 AM

The boys don't go to church regularly and never have, so why would they have wanted to go to a service instead of mourning at home, additionally, taking them to a church service the day AFTER their mother died and suppressing any mention of their mother is cold, cruel and as out of touch with people's feelings as one can get.

TLLK · September 30, 2014, 12:25:14 AM

I've been under the impression that when they are with their paternal grandparents that church service is part of the routine especially when they were children/teens. Once they were adults, then they would be free to make their own choices regarding regular attendance. Going to church and praying for their mother seems like an appropriate thing to do and not an unusual request IMO.

Now I do agree that it was odd that the minister did not make a reference to their mother, but he would be the one to publicly offer up the prayers.

HistoryGirl · September 30, 2014, 12:27:12 AM

Quote from: TLLK on September 30, 2014, 12:08:24 AM
I'm guessing that the boys wanted to go to the service. It is likely that they believed it was the appropriate thing to do.

Probably. It would have caused speculation whether they had been there or not. Just like if the Queen had stayed in London people would have then questioned whether she actually cared about her grandsons since she left them at Balmoral. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. The truth is there is no "correct" way to deal with a death. It pretty much sucks all around.

TLLK · September 30, 2014, 12:33:53 AM

I couldn't say it better myself HG. :goodpost:

sandy · September 30, 2014, 12:48:42 AM

Quote from: TLLK on September 30, 2014, 12:25:14 AM
I've been under the impression that when they are with their paternal grandparents that church service is part of the routine especially when they were children/teens. Once they were adults, then they would be free to make their own choices regarding regular attendance. Going to church and praying for their mother seems like an appropriate thing to do and not an unusual request IMO.

Now I do agree that it was odd that the minister did not make a reference to their mother, but he would be the one to publicly offer up the prayers.

Well part of the routine did not include their finding about their mother's death. That is decidedly not routine. Certainly the royals can speak and one of them could have told the minister to have prayers for Diana.

We're not talking routines here and church going. We're talking about two shocked grieving boys taken to Church. They should have been allowed time alone. The cameras were all over them. For supposedly superior people they acted shockingly stupid and unfeeling.

Double post auto-merged: September 30, 2014, 12:50:03 AM

Quote from: TLLK on September 30, 2014, 12:08:24 AM
I'm guessing that the boys wanted to go to the service. It is likely that they believed it was the appropriate thing to do.

How were they in any position to think in a normal way. The woke up to the news their mother died. I can't imagine them in any sort of state to say let's go to Church. Did they have a choice? I doubt it. It's all about appearances with that clan. And bringing them to Church was supposedly for comfort with no mention of their mother. Sounds monstrous to me. And Harry even asked if it was a mistake and his mother was alive since she was not mentioned in Church.

Limabeany · September 30, 2014, 01:37:11 AM

Quote from: TLLK on September 30, 2014, 12:25:14 AM
I've been under the impression that when they are with their paternal grandparents that church service is part of the routine especially when they were children/teens. Once they were adults, then they would be free to make their own choices regarding regular attendance. Going to church and praying for their mother seems like an appropriate thing to do and not an unusual request IMO.

Now I do agree that it was odd that the minister did not make a reference to their mother, but he would be the one to publicly offer up the prayers.

I remember reading that the Queen asked that Diana not be mentioned, that was insensitive and selfish decision, she didn't have to like Diana, but she should have put her children first.

Curryong · September 30, 2014, 01:51:11 AM

Let's not forget that the Queen is a deeply religious woman and both she, PP and Charles may well have felt that the boys would gain some spiritual comfort from going to church. I have read that William said that he wanted to pray 'for Mummy' at church. This wasn't a PR exercise. Yes the minister should have, in my opinion, have offered up prayers for Diana, but he explained why he didn't later and defended himself.

The family were left alone for the vast majority of the time. It's clear that everyone from the Queen down--Philip, Charles, Peter Phillips, Zara, Tiggy, devoted themselves to the care of the boys and Balmoral was the ideal place to do it.